It pains me to think that i have always been and probably will always be the second best in people's lives. No matter if i make every effort to be a better person for them or not. No matter the sacrifices, no matter the love.
Suitors cancel at the last minute, friends do the same, some without leaving something or saying something as a by-your-leave. Really sad. I don't think i'm as good a friend as i think i am for all this to happen to me. I'm possibly not that important.
Why can't i make myself become more special to people's hearts? I hate it. I love you but i can't accept the fact that you will just blow me off with no thoughts to me. That you choose to simply leave me without saying anything. I'm not a fucking machine that you can do that and expect me to be unaffected. I'm sorry but i'm not like that. I won't accept that. And it hurts a lot.
Thing is, i get jealous of your attachment to other people. I can't take it. It's not as if you're mine. Far from it. Worse part is, i can't stop. I don't have the right, i don't have what you want. I'M not who you want.
I wish i can be who you want... It hurts.
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